My grief comes as a wind.
At first a terrible storm bringing havoc.
Everything is wrecked.
That's OK we can rebuild.
Focus on weather-proofing first.
Batten down the hatches, pick up any loose parts that could become projectiles, make sure that the things are structurally sound and safe.
This is a lot of work.
Why doesn't everyone know about the terrible storm and see how hard I'm working?
The wind will return again.
I have to work fast.
Sometimes the wind is a kiss.
Gentle, rippling through almost fondly, memories linger and swirl about me.
Other times the wind finds a crack and howls - I howl along with it.
It's just noise.
I've done a passable enough job of patching up the holes to protect myself.
Occasionally the wind comes roaring.
Cruel.
Unrelenting.
The wind is a gale that threatens to tear off roofs and scabs, exposing damage thought mended long ago, and carrying away things I thought were stable along with it.
I can barely stand let alone walk in this.
My ears forget the quiet.
Until at last I'm aware I can hear birds.
Still once more.
I can rebuild again.
I'm tired.
Just a wee stopgap for now.
Everyone can see the contents of my heart scattered over my yard, it's messy and makes people uncomfortable.
The patch will hold.
Seasons change and I can take stock and rebuild once more.
The foundation stands and I have good bones.
I never was much of a builder, perhaps I need a bit of a hand.
Why hasn't anyone noticed how often I've had to rebuild this fucking house and told me I've done a good job?
Bigger nails.
Better materials, I no longer live in a climate where I can build my house from straw.
Stronger roof.
A nagging thought - how much rain got in while the roof was off last time?
Oh gosh I won't think about that now, things seem dry enough now don't make me pry up the floorboards looking for rot.
The wind will return but today is still and I stand tall.
Whakataka te hau ki te uru
Whakataka te hau ki te tonga
Kia mākinakina ki uta
Kia mātaratara ki tai
E hī ake ana te atakura
He tio, he huka, he hau hū
Tīhei mauri ora!